Simon’s Casino Review

Simon says you should play at Simon’s Casino. But then Simon would say that, wouldn’t he? Simon may well be keen for you to deposit funds into a playing account at his casino, but after inspecting the site, you may conclude otherwise. While there are certainly some intriguing elements to Simon’s Casino – like the fact that its address is simonsayscasino.com – there are also some causes for concern. Like the fact that this site looks atrocious and is stocked with games that are at least five years out of date.

Alight on the homepage for the first time and a banner at the bottom of the page will welcome you to Simon’s Casino before suggesting that you download the site’s software to enjoy the full experience or play instantly in your browser to enjoy a smaller selection of games.

It also makes mention of its customer support – 24-hour customer support for that matter. Just to drive the point home, there’s a stock image of a headset-wearing gentleman who’s just waiting for your call. So go on – give him a phone and give him your thoughts on the spectacle that is Simon’s Casino.

About Simon’s Casino

Simon’s Casino is operated by SSC Entertainment NV who hold a gaming license issued by the government of Curacao, who are known primarily for issuing gaming licenses and not much else. SSC Entertainment own Nazca Tech Ltd, a firm who are based in East Sussex in England and are responsible for processing all of the site’s transactions. All of SSC Entertainment’s sites are out of date, badly designed and stocked with dated games for the most part. Simon’s Casino is no exception.

Whether anyone actively plays at these sites is something of a mystery, but whatever the case, you certainly can, should you feel so inclined. Simon’s Casino might not be the coolest or most user-friendly casino on the web, but it still functions and can still help you scratch that itch when you get the urge to spin some slots or play some cards. Should you require assistance, there’s an FAQ, while email support is available around the clock and telephone support from 12pm to 4am GMT.

Simon’s Banking

Simon’s Casino accepts the US dollar, Euro, British pound, Australian dollar and South African rand. In terms of deposit options, take your pick from Neteller, ecoPayz, UseMyBank, Ukash, Skrill and Visa or MasterCard. As for withdrawals, your options are limited to Neteller, ecoPayz, Skrill and Visa. The site uses 128-bit SSL to safeguard transactions.

What about withdrawal processing times? There’s no information available on the banking page. Head to the FAQ and you’ll find a section dealing with deposits and withdrawals but with regards to withdrawal information it instructs you to head to the cashier page.

Head there and you’ll find a near-identical page to the banking page only this one – wait for it – contains different deposit and withdrawal methods. What on earth is going on? If the cashier page is right, your deposit options are in fact Neteller, EcoCard, UseMyWallet, Click2Pay, Moneybookers and credit card. The cashier page states that withdrawal requests take two days to be processed and are capped at a maximum of $2,000 per day. It also cites bank transfer as a withdrawal option for US customers, a process which takes 10-15 days.

Bonuses from Simon

When it comes to bonuses, Simon’s Casino thankfully has just the one promotions page. Here you’ll discover that as a new player you’re entitled to claim a $20 no deposit bonus. After that, there’s a 125% first deposit bonus when you deposit up to $200. This is followed by a second deposit bonus of 100% and a third deposit bonus of 125%. At the same time, you’ll also be granted $10 free on top and will be inducted into the Simon Says Society club as a lord. You lucky thing.

Every month, Simon’s Casino offers a 100% bonus match that all players are entitled to claim, up to a maximum $50. This cash is subject to a 20x wagering requirement before it can be withdrawn. Once you’ve completed this promotion, either by spending your bonus cash or withdrawing it after you’ve met the wagering requirement, you’ll be given another $10 free to play with. Refer a friend to the casino and you’ll be given $50 and your mate will receive $20 when they deposit at least $50.

Simon’s Society

Simon’s Society VIP programme is designed to reward regular players with bonus cash and other perks, because that’s how VIP programmes work. There are no less than eight levels to the programme which, to its credit, at least has more inventive tiers than the Silver and Platinum ones most casinos use. Instead, you can work your way through Society Member, Knight, Lord, Bishop, Baron, Queen, King and Secret Society.

The monthly cashback, which starts at 7.5% as a Knight, reaches 30% once you become a King. As for the sort of bonuses that come from being a Secret Society member, you’ll just have to guess for now, because that’s a secret obviously. Other treats that come with VIP membership include comps points that are awarded at a higher rate, a 20% reload bonus and a monthly $10 freebie.

Casino Games

The selection of games to be found at Simon’s Casino are as dated as you’d expect, including a category marked i-Slots. There are over 100 games in all including video poker and table games. The i-Slots – aka extremely dated video slots – include Reel Crime, Hole in Won, Psychedelic Sixties and As The Reels Turn. There are other categories stocked with slots too, dubbed Video Slots and Three Reel Slots respectively. The latter option includes Milk the Cash Cow, Big Cash Win and Heroes’ Realm, while the former contains Gusher’s Gold and Metal Detector.

Despite their number, the slots really aren’t an inviting bunch. If you’re determined to have some semblance of fun at Simon’s Casino, you’d be better served playing the table games. At least with Blackjack and Baccarat you know what you’re getting and aren’t so dependant on HD graphics, audio and animations to make the games playable. From Three Card Poker to Pai Gow and from Red Dog to Keno, Simon’s Casino contains all the table games that a site of this nature could reasonably be expected to have. There’s also a selection of scratch cards and Roulette, plus a separate section stocked with video poker.

Simon’s a Letdown

Simon’s Casino is another awful casino from a company who specialise in devising awful casinos. It’s hard to decide upon the worst element of the site, though having two separate banking pages with conflicting payment and withdrawal options takes some beating. There’s a modicum of originality displayed when it comes to naming the casino’s VIP programme, but that’s as close as Simon’s Casino gets to any sort of praise. Suffice to say you’d be well served to take your custom elsewhere if you can possibly help it, which you can.